From e2458b52ea9c83a634a58a868f98e9db01612acd Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Dimitri Sokolyuk Date: Mon, 6 Jul 2015 21:22:43 +0200 Subject: Initial import --- theo.go | 131 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 131 insertions(+) create mode 100644 theo.go diff --git a/theo.go b/theo.go new file mode 100644 index 0000000..376f5d7 --- /dev/null +++ b/theo.go @@ -0,0 +1,131 @@ +// $OpenBSD: theo.c,v 1.143 2014/11/19 21:22:47 schwarze Exp $ +// Copyright (c) 2002 Artur Grabowski + +package theo + +import ( + "math/rand" + "time" +) + +var talk = []string{ + `Write more code.`, + `Make more commits.`, + `That's because you have been slacking.`, + `slacker!`, + `That's what happens when you're lazy.`, + `idler!`, + `slackass!`, + `lazy bum!`, + `Stop slacking you lazy bum!`, + `slacker slacker lazy bum bum bum slacker!`, + `I could search... but I'm a lazy bum ;)`, + `sshutup sshithead, ssharpsshooting susshi sshplats ssharking assholes.`, + `Lazy bums slacking on your asses.`, + `35 commits an hour? That's pathetic!`, + `Fine software takes time to prepare. Give a little slack.`, + `I am just stating a fact`, + `you bring new meaning to the terms slackass. I will have to invent a new term.`, + `if they cut you out, muddy their back yards`, + `Make them want to start over, and play nice the next time.`, + `It is clear that this has not been thought through.`, + `avoid using abort(). it is not nice.`, + `That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in the last two or three minutes!`, + `I'm not just doing this for crowd response. I need to be right.`, + `I'd put a fan on my bomb.. And blinking lights...`, + `I love to fight`, + `No sane people allowed here. Go home.`, + `you have to stop peeing on your breakfast`, + `feature requests come from idiots`, + `henning and darren / sitting in a tree / t o k i n g / a joint or three`, + `KICK ASS. TIME FOR A JASON LOVE IN! WE CAN ALL GET LOST IN HIS HAIR!`, + `shame on you for following my rules.`, + `altq's parser sucks dead whale farts through the finest chemistry pipette's`, + `screw this operating system shit, i just want to drive!`, + `Search for fuck. Anytime you see that word, you have a paragraph to write.`, + `Yes, but the ports people are into S&M.`, + `Buttons are for idiots.`, + `We are not hackers. We are turd polishing craftsmen.`, + `who cares. style(9) can bite my ass`, + `It'd be one fucking happy planet if it wasn't for what's under this fucking sticker.`, + `I would explain, but I am too drunk.`, + `you slackers don't deserve pictures yet`, + `Vegetarian my ass`, + `Wait a minute, that's a McNally's!`, + `don't they recognize their moral responsibility to entertain me?`, + `#ifdef is for emacs developers.`, + `Many well known people become net-kooks in their later life, because they lose touch with reality.`, + `You're not allowed to have an opinion.`, + `tweep tweep tweep`, + `Quite frankly, SSE's alignment requirement is the most utterly retarded idea since eating your own shit.`, + `Holy verbose prom startup Batman.`, + `Any day now, when we sell out.`, + `optimism in man kind does not belong here`, + `First user who tries to push this button, he pounds into the ground with a rant of death.`, + `we did farts. now we do sperm. we are cutting edge.`, + `the default configuration is a mixture of piss, puke, shit, and bloody entrails.`, + `Stop wasting your time reading people's licenses.`, + `doing it with environment variables is OH SO SYSTEM FIVE LIKE OH MY GOD PASS ME THE SPOON`, + `Linux is fucking POO, not just bad, bad REALLY REALLY BAD`, + `penguins are not much more than chickens that swim.`, + `i am a packet sniffing fool, let me wipe my face with my own poo`, + `Whiners. They scale really well.`, + `in your world, you would have a checklist of 50 fucking workarounds just to make a coffee.`, + `for once, I have nothing to say.`, + `You have no idea how fucked we are`, + `You can call it fart if you want to.`, + `wavelan is a battle field`, + `You are in a maze of gpio pins, all alike, all undocumented, and a few are wired to bombs.`, + `And that is why humppa sucks... cause it has no cause.`, + `cache aliasing is a problem that would have stopped in 1992 if someone had killed about 5 people who worked at Sun.`, + `Don't spread rumours about me being gentle.`, + `If municipal water filtering equipment was built by the gcc developers, the western world would be dead by now.`, + `kettenis supported a new machine in my basement and all I got to do was fix a 1 character typo in his html page commit.`, + `industry told us a lesson: when you're an asshole, they mail you hardware`, + `I was joking, really. I think I am funny :-)`, + `the kernel is a harsh mistress`, + `Have I ever been subtle? If my approach ever becomes subtle, shoot me.`, + `the acpi stabs you in the back. the acpi stabs you in the back. you die ...`, + `My cats are more observant than you.`, + `our kernels have no bugs`, + `style(9) has all these fascist rules, and i have a problem with some of them because i didn't come up with them`, + `I'm not very reliable`, + `I don't like control`, + `You aren't being conservative -- you are trying to be a caveman.`, + `nfs loves everyone`, + `basically, dung beetles fucking. that's what kerberosV + openssl is like`, + `I would rather run Windows than use vi.`, + `if you assign that responsibility to non-hikers I will walk over and cripple you now.`, + `i ojbect two yoru splelng of achlhlocis.`, + `We have two kinds of developers - those that deal with their own shit and those that deal with other people's shit.`, + `If people keep adding such huge stuff, soon mg will be bigger than emacs.`, + `this change comes down to: This year, next year, 5 years from now, 10 years from now, or Oh fuck.`, + `backwards compatibility is king, and will remain king, until 2038.`, + `I don't know if the Internet's safe yet.`, + `Those who don't understand Unix are condemned to reinvent Multics in a browser`, + `Don't tell anybody I said that.`, + `Complaint forms are handled in another department.`, + `You'd be safer using Windows than the code which was just deleted.`, + `Shit should not be shared.`, + `the randomization in this entire codebase is a grand experiment in stupid`, + `My mailbox is full of shock.`, + `my integer overflow spidey senses are tingling.`, + `I'm just trying to improve the code...`, + `It's a pleasure to work on code you can't make worse.`, + `It's largely bad style to do (int)sizeof`, + `When I see Makefile.in, I know that "in" is short for "insane".`, + `This is the beer. And that's why we need a hackathon.`, + `Kill the past with fire, and declare Duran Duran is less cool today. Await remixes of the same thing performed by new talent.`, + `Where did my "fuck backwards compat" compatriots go?`, + `I want a new vax, one that's not so slow.`, +} + +func init() { + n := time.Now().Unix() + rand.Seed(n) +} + +func Theo() string { + n := rand.Intn(len(talk)) + return talk[n] +} -- cgit v1.2.3