// $OpenBSD: theo.c,v 1.143 2014/11/19 21:22:47 schwarze Exp $ // Copyright (c) 2002 Artur Grabowski // Package theo implements random quotes from Theo De Raadt package theo import ( "math/rand" "time" ) var talk = []string{ `Write more code.`, `Make more commits.`, `That's because you have been slacking.`, `slacker!`, `That's what happens when you're lazy.`, `idler!`, `slackass!`, `lazy bum!`, `Stop slacking you lazy bum!`, `slacker slacker lazy bum bum bum slacker!`, `I could search... but I'm a lazy bum ;)`, `sshutup sshithead, ssharpsshooting susshi sshplats ssharking assholes.`, `Lazy bums slacking on your asses.`, `35 commits an hour? That's pathetic!`, `Fine software takes time to prepare. Give a little slack.`, `I am just stating a fact`, `you bring new meaning to the terms slackass. I will have to invent a new term.`, `if they cut you out, muddy their back yards`, `Make them want to start over, and play nice the next time.`, `It is clear that this has not been thought through.`, `avoid using abort(). it is not nice.`, `That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in the last two or three minutes!`, `I'm not just doing this for crowd response. I need to be right.`, `I'd put a fan on my bomb.. And blinking lights...`, `I love to fight`, `No sane people allowed here. Go home.`, `you have to stop peeing on your breakfast`, `feature requests come from idiots`, `henning and darren / sitting in a tree / t o k i n g / a joint or three`, `KICK ASS. TIME FOR A JASON LOVE IN! WE CAN ALL GET LOST IN HIS HAIR!`, `shame on you for following my rules.`, `altq's parser sucks dead whale farts through the finest chemistry pipette's`, `screw this operating system shit, i just want to drive!`, `Search for fuck. Anytime you see that word, you have a paragraph to write.`, `Yes, but the ports people are into S&M.`, `Buttons are for idiots.`, `We are not hackers. We are turd polishing craftsmen.`, `who cares. style(9) can bite my ass`, `It'd be one fucking happy planet if it wasn't for what's under this fucking sticker.`, `I would explain, but I am too drunk.`, `you slackers don't deserve pictures yet`, `Vegetarian my ass`, `Wait a minute, that's a McNally's!`, `don't they recognize their moral responsibility to entertain me?`, `#ifdef is for emacs developers.`, `Many well known people become net-kooks in their later life, because they lose touch with reality.`, `You're not allowed to have an opinion.`, `tweep tweep tweep`, `Quite frankly, SSE's alignment requirement is the most utterly retarded idea since eating your own shit.`, `Holy verbose prom startup Batman.`, `Any day now, when we sell out.`, `optimism in man kind does not belong here`, `First user who tries to push this button, he pounds into the ground with a rant of death.`, `we did farts. now we do sperm. we are cutting edge.`, `the default configuration is a mixture of piss, puke, shit, and bloody entrails.`, `Stop wasting your time reading people's licenses.`, `doing it with environment variables is OH SO SYSTEM FIVE LIKE OH MY GOD PASS ME THE SPOON`, `Linux is fucking POO, not just bad, bad REALLY REALLY BAD`, `penguins are not much more than chickens that swim.`, `i am a packet sniffing fool, let me wipe my face with my own poo`, `Whiners. They scale really well.`, `in your world, you would have a checklist of 50 fucking workarounds just to make a coffee.`, `for once, I have nothing to say.`, `You have no idea how fucked we are`, `You can call it fart if you want to.`, `wavelan is a battle field`, `You are in a maze of gpio pins, all alike, all undocumented, and a few are wired to bombs.`, `And that is why humppa sucks... cause it has no cause.`, `cache aliasing is a problem that would have stopped in 1992 if someone had killed about 5 people who worked at Sun.`, `Don't spread rumours about me being gentle.`, `If municipal water filtering equipment was built by the gcc developers, the western world would be dead by now.`, `kettenis supported a new machine in my basement and all I got to do was fix a 1 character typo in his html page commit.`, `industry told us a lesson: when you're an asshole, they mail you hardware`, `I was joking, really. I think I am funny :-)`, `the kernel is a harsh mistress`, `Have I ever been subtle? If my approach ever becomes subtle, shoot me.`, `the acpi stabs you in the back. the acpi stabs you in the back. you die ...`, `My cats are more observant than you.`, `our kernels have no bugs`, `style(9) has all these fascist rules, and i have a problem with some of them because i didn't come up with them`, `I'm not very reliable`, `I don't like control`, `You aren't being conservative -- you are trying to be a caveman.`, `nfs loves everyone`, `basically, dung beetles fucking. that's what kerberosV + openssl is like`, `I would rather run Windows than use vi.`, `if you assign that responsibility to non-hikers I will walk over and cripple you now.`, `i ojbect two yoru splelng of achlhlocis.`, `We have two kinds of developers - those that deal with their own shit and those that deal with other people's shit.`, `If people keep adding such huge stuff, soon mg will be bigger than emacs.`, `this change comes down to: This year, next year, 5 years from now, 10 years from now, or Oh fuck.`, `backwards compatibility is king, and will remain king, until 2038.`, `I don't know if the Internet's safe yet.`, `Those who don't understand Unix are condemned to reinvent Multics in a browser`, `Don't tell anybody I said that.`, `Complaint forms are handled in another department.`, `You'd be safer using Windows than the code which was just deleted.`, `Shit should not be shared.`, `the randomization in this entire codebase is a grand experiment in stupid`, `My mailbox is full of shock.`, `my integer overflow spidey senses are tingling.`, `I'm just trying to improve the code...`, `It's a pleasure to work on code you can't make worse.`, `It's largely bad style to do (int)sizeof`, `When I see Makefile.in, I know that "in" is short for "insane".`, `This is the beer. And that's why we need a hackathon.`, `Kill the past with fire, and declare Duran Duran is less cool today. Await remixes of the same thing performed by new talent.`, `Where did my "fuck backwards compat" compatriots go?`, `I want a new vax, one that's not so slow.`, `This sausage is made from unsound meat.`, `The people who wrote this code are not on your side.`, `Well finally everyone can see that the shit is really shitty.`, `All that complexity stopped us from getting flying cars by today.`, } func init() { rand.Seed(time.Now().UnixNano()) } // Quote returns random quote func Quote() string { n := rand.Intn(len(talk)) return talk[n] }