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// $OpenBSD: theo.c,v 1.143 2014/11/19 21:22:47 schwarze Exp $
// Copyright (c) 2002 Artur Grabowski <art@openbsd.org>

// Package theo implements random quotes from Theo De Raadt
package theo

import (
	"math/rand"
	"time"
)

var talk = []string{
	`Write more code.`,
	`Make more commits.`,
	`That's because you have been slacking.`,
	`slacker!`,
	`That's what happens when you're lazy.`,
	`idler!`,
	`slackass!`,
	`lazy bum!`,
	`Stop slacking you lazy bum!`,
	`slacker slacker lazy bum bum bum slacker!`,
	`I could search... but I'm a lazy bum ;)`,
	`sshutup sshithead, ssharpsshooting susshi sshplats ssharking assholes.`,
	`Lazy bums slacking on your asses.`,
	`35 commits an hour? That's pathetic!`,
	`Fine software takes time to prepare.  Give a little slack.`,
	`I am just stating a fact`,
	`you bring new meaning to the terms slackass. I will have to invent a new term.`,
	`if they cut you out, muddy their back yards`,
	`Make them want to start over, and play nice the next time.`,
	`It is clear that this has not been thought through.`,
	`avoid using abort().  it is not nice.`,
	`That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in the last two or three minutes!`,
	`I'm not just doing this for crowd response. I need to be right.`,
	`I'd put a fan on my bomb.. And blinking lights...`,
	`I love to fight`,
	`No sane people allowed here.  Go home.`,
	`you have to stop peeing on your breakfast`,
	`feature requests come from idiots`,
	`henning and darren / sitting in a tree / t o k i n g / a joint or three`,
	`KICK ASS. TIME FOR A JASON LOVE IN!  WE CAN ALL GET LOST IN HIS HAIR!`,
	`shame on you for following my rules.`,
	`altq's parser sucks dead whale farts through the finest chemistry pipette's`,
	`screw this operating system shit, i just want to drive!`,
	`Search for fuck.  Anytime you see that word, you have a paragraph to write.`,
	`Yes, but the ports people are into S&M.`,
	`Buttons are for idiots.`,
	`We are not hackers. We are turd polishing craftsmen.`,
	`who cares.  style(9) can bite my ass`,
	`It'd be one fucking happy planet if it wasn't for what's under this fucking sticker.`,
	`I would explain, but I am too drunk.`,
	`you slackers don't deserve pictures yet`,
	`Vegetarian my ass`,
	`Wait a minute, that's a McNally's!`,
	`don't they recognize their moral responsibility to entertain me?`,
	`#ifdef is for emacs developers.`,
	`Many well known people become net-kooks in their later life, because they lose touch with reality.`,
	`You're not allowed to have an opinion.`,
	`tweep tweep tweep`,
	`Quite frankly, SSE's alignment requirement is the most utterly retarded idea since eating your own shit.`,
	`Holy verbose prom startup Batman.`,
	`Any day now, when we sell out.`,
	`optimism in man kind does not belong here`,
	`First user who tries to push this button, he pounds into the ground with a rant of death.`,
	`we did farts.  now we do sperm.  we are cutting edge.`,
	`the default configuration is a mixture of piss, puke, shit, and bloody entrails.`,
	`Stop wasting your time reading people's licenses.`,
	`doing it with environment variables is OH SO SYSTEM FIVE LIKE OH MY GOD PASS ME THE SPOON`,
	`Linux is fucking POO, not just bad, bad REALLY REALLY BAD`,
	`penguins are not much more than chickens that swim.`,
	`i am a packet sniffing fool, let me wipe my face with my own poo`,
	`Whiners.  They scale really well.`,
	`in your world, you would have a checklist of 50 fucking workarounds just to make a coffee.`,
	`for once, I have nothing to say.`,
	`You have no idea how fucked we are`,
	`You can call it fart if you want to.`,
	`wavelan is a battle field`,
	`You are in a maze of gpio pins, all alike, all undocumented, and a few are wired to bombs.`,
	`And that is why humppa sucks... cause it has no cause.`,
	`cache aliasing is a problem that would have stopped in 1992 if someone had killed about 5 people who worked at Sun.`,
	`Don't spread rumours about me being gentle.`,
	`If municipal water filtering equipment was built by the gcc developers, the western world would be dead by now.`,
	`kettenis supported a new machine in my basement and all I got to do was fix a 1 character typo in his html page commit.`,
	`industry told us a lesson: when you're an asshole, they mail you hardware`,
	`I was joking, really.  I think I am funny :-)`,
	`the kernel is a harsh mistress`,
	`Have I ever been subtle? If my approach ever becomes subtle, shoot me.`,
	`the acpi stabs you in the back.  the acpi stabs you in the back. you die ...`,
	`My cats are more observant than you.`,
	`our kernels have no bugs`,
	`style(9) has all these fascist rules, and i have a problem with some of them because i didn't come up with them`,
	`I'm not very reliable`,
	`I don't like control`,
	`You aren't being conservative -- you are trying to be a caveman.`,
	`nfs loves everyone`,
	`basically, dung beetles fucking.  that's what kerberosV + openssl is like`,
	`I would rather run Windows than use vi.`,
	`if you assign that responsibility to non-hikers I will walk over and cripple you now.`,
	`i ojbect two yoru splelng of achlhlocis.`,
	`We have two kinds of developers - those that deal with their own shit and those that deal with other people's shit.`,
	`If people keep adding such huge stuff, soon mg will be bigger than emacs.`,
	`this change comes down to: This year, next year, 5 years from now, 10 years from now, or Oh fuck.`,
	`backwards compatibility is king, and will remain king, until 2038.`,
	`I don't know if the Internet's safe yet.`,
	`Those who don't understand Unix are condemned to reinvent Multics in a browser`,
	`Don't tell anybody I said that.`,
	`Complaint forms are handled in another department.`,
	`You'd be safer using Windows than the code which was just deleted.`,
	`Shit should not be shared.`,
	`the randomization in this entire codebase is a grand experiment in stupid`,
	`My mailbox is full of shock.`,
	`my integer overflow spidey senses are tingling.`,
	`I'm just trying to improve the code...`,
	`It's a pleasure to work on code you can't make worse.`,
	`It's largely bad style to do (int)sizeof`,
	`When I see Makefile.in, I know that "in" is short for "insane".`,
	`This is the beer. And that's why we need a hackathon.`,
	`Kill the past with fire, and declare Duran Duran is less cool today.  Await remixes of the same thing performed by new talent.`,
	`Where did my "fuck backwards compat" compatriots go?`,
	`I want a new vax, one that's not so slow.`,
	`This sausage is made from unsound meat.`,
	`The people who wrote this code are not on your side.`,
	`Well finally everyone can see that the shit is really shitty.`,
	`All that complexity stopped us from getting flying cars by today.`,
}

func init() {
	rand.Seed(time.Now().UnixNano())
}

// Quote returns random quote
func Quote() string {
	n := rand.Intn(len(talk))
	return talk[n]
}