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authorDimitri Sokolyuk <demon@dim13.org>2015-07-06 21:22:43 +0200
committerDimitri Sokolyuk <demon@dim13.org>2015-07-06 21:22:43 +0200
commite2458b52ea9c83a634a58a868f98e9db01612acd (patch)
tree453bb9e5964eed98ac98668a9dcaaf25623f7461
Initial import
-rw-r--r--theo.go131
1 files changed, 131 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/theo.go b/theo.go
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..376f5d7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/theo.go
@@ -0,0 +1,131 @@
+// $OpenBSD: theo.c,v 1.143 2014/11/19 21:22:47 schwarze Exp $
+// Copyright (c) 2002 Artur Grabowski <art@openbsd.org>
+
+package theo
+
+import (
+ "math/rand"
+ "time"
+)
+
+var talk = []string{
+ `Write more code.`,
+ `Make more commits.`,
+ `That's because you have been slacking.`,
+ `slacker!`,
+ `That's what happens when you're lazy.`,
+ `idler!`,
+ `slackass!`,
+ `lazy bum!`,
+ `Stop slacking you lazy bum!`,
+ `slacker slacker lazy bum bum bum slacker!`,
+ `I could search... but I'm a lazy bum ;)`,
+ `sshutup sshithead, ssharpsshooting susshi sshplats ssharking assholes.`,
+ `Lazy bums slacking on your asses.`,
+ `35 commits an hour? That's pathetic!`,
+ `Fine software takes time to prepare. Give a little slack.`,
+ `I am just stating a fact`,
+ `you bring new meaning to the terms slackass. I will have to invent a new term.`,
+ `if they cut you out, muddy their back yards`,
+ `Make them want to start over, and play nice the next time.`,
+ `It is clear that this has not been thought through.`,
+ `avoid using abort(). it is not nice.`,
+ `That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in the last two or three minutes!`,
+ `I'm not just doing this for crowd response. I need to be right.`,
+ `I'd put a fan on my bomb.. And blinking lights...`,
+ `I love to fight`,
+ `No sane people allowed here. Go home.`,
+ `you have to stop peeing on your breakfast`,
+ `feature requests come from idiots`,
+ `henning and darren / sitting in a tree / t o k i n g / a joint or three`,
+ `KICK ASS. TIME FOR A JASON LOVE IN! WE CAN ALL GET LOST IN HIS HAIR!`,
+ `shame on you for following my rules.`,
+ `altq's parser sucks dead whale farts through the finest chemistry pipette's`,
+ `screw this operating system shit, i just want to drive!`,
+ `Search for fuck. Anytime you see that word, you have a paragraph to write.`,
+ `Yes, but the ports people are into S&M.`,
+ `Buttons are for idiots.`,
+ `We are not hackers. We are turd polishing craftsmen.`,
+ `who cares. style(9) can bite my ass`,
+ `It'd be one fucking happy planet if it wasn't for what's under this fucking sticker.`,
+ `I would explain, but I am too drunk.`,
+ `you slackers don't deserve pictures yet`,
+ `Vegetarian my ass`,
+ `Wait a minute, that's a McNally's!`,
+ `don't they recognize their moral responsibility to entertain me?`,
+ `#ifdef is for emacs developers.`,
+ `Many well known people become net-kooks in their later life, because they lose touch with reality.`,
+ `You're not allowed to have an opinion.`,
+ `tweep tweep tweep`,
+ `Quite frankly, SSE's alignment requirement is the most utterly retarded idea since eating your own shit.`,
+ `Holy verbose prom startup Batman.`,
+ `Any day now, when we sell out.`,
+ `optimism in man kind does not belong here`,
+ `First user who tries to push this button, he pounds into the ground with a rant of death.`,
+ `we did farts. now we do sperm. we are cutting edge.`,
+ `the default configuration is a mixture of piss, puke, shit, and bloody entrails.`,
+ `Stop wasting your time reading people's licenses.`,
+ `doing it with environment variables is OH SO SYSTEM FIVE LIKE OH MY GOD PASS ME THE SPOON`,
+ `Linux is fucking POO, not just bad, bad REALLY REALLY BAD`,
+ `penguins are not much more than chickens that swim.`,
+ `i am a packet sniffing fool, let me wipe my face with my own poo`,
+ `Whiners. They scale really well.`,
+ `in your world, you would have a checklist of 50 fucking workarounds just to make a coffee.`,
+ `for once, I have nothing to say.`,
+ `You have no idea how fucked we are`,
+ `You can call it fart if you want to.`,
+ `wavelan is a battle field`,
+ `You are in a maze of gpio pins, all alike, all undocumented, and a few are wired to bombs.`,
+ `And that is why humppa sucks... cause it has no cause.`,
+ `cache aliasing is a problem that would have stopped in 1992 if someone had killed about 5 people who worked at Sun.`,
+ `Don't spread rumours about me being gentle.`,
+ `If municipal water filtering equipment was built by the gcc developers, the western world would be dead by now.`,
+ `kettenis supported a new machine in my basement and all I got to do was fix a 1 character typo in his html page commit.`,
+ `industry told us a lesson: when you're an asshole, they mail you hardware`,
+ `I was joking, really. I think I am funny :-)`,
+ `the kernel is a harsh mistress`,
+ `Have I ever been subtle? If my approach ever becomes subtle, shoot me.`,
+ `the acpi stabs you in the back. the acpi stabs you in the back. you die ...`,
+ `My cats are more observant than you.`,
+ `our kernels have no bugs`,
+ `style(9) has all these fascist rules, and i have a problem with some of them because i didn't come up with them`,
+ `I'm not very reliable`,
+ `I don't like control`,
+ `You aren't being conservative -- you are trying to be a caveman.`,
+ `nfs loves everyone`,
+ `basically, dung beetles fucking. that's what kerberosV + openssl is like`,
+ `I would rather run Windows than use vi.`,
+ `if you assign that responsibility to non-hikers I will walk over and cripple you now.`,
+ `i ojbect two yoru splelng of achlhlocis.`,
+ `We have two kinds of developers - those that deal with their own shit and those that deal with other people's shit.`,
+ `If people keep adding such huge stuff, soon mg will be bigger than emacs.`,
+ `this change comes down to: This year, next year, 5 years from now, 10 years from now, or Oh fuck.`,
+ `backwards compatibility is king, and will remain king, until 2038.`,
+ `I don't know if the Internet's safe yet.`,
+ `Those who don't understand Unix are condemned to reinvent Multics in a browser`,
+ `Don't tell anybody I said that.`,
+ `Complaint forms are handled in another department.`,
+ `You'd be safer using Windows than the code which was just deleted.`,
+ `Shit should not be shared.`,
+ `the randomization in this entire codebase is a grand experiment in stupid`,
+ `My mailbox is full of shock.`,
+ `my integer overflow spidey senses are tingling.`,
+ `I'm just trying to improve the code...`,
+ `It's a pleasure to work on code you can't make worse.`,
+ `It's largely bad style to do (int)sizeof`,
+ `When I see Makefile.in, I know that "in" is short for "insane".`,
+ `This is the beer. And that's why we need a hackathon.`,
+ `Kill the past with fire, and declare Duran Duran is less cool today. Await remixes of the same thing performed by new talent.`,
+ `Where did my "fuck backwards compat" compatriots go?`,
+ `I want a new vax, one that's not so slow.`,
+}
+
+func init() {
+ n := time.Now().Unix()
+ rand.Seed(n)
+}
+
+func Theo() string {
+ n := rand.Intn(len(talk))
+ return talk[n]
+}